How big is your God? If you believe in God, we probably believe in the same God that made the universe. I’ll call Him the Universal God. That’s a pretty big God so I have to frame the accident around him.

I was working on picture frames for Christmas as I was teaching my kids how to build them. At this particular time I was working alone since my oldest was at work. I was being ‘safe’; keeping my hands away from the blade. I knew if something went south I’d just let the wood go and move my hands away from the saw. I was using a push stick with my right hand, but the piece bound up. I tried to catch it with the push stick, but it got away. I let the wood go and pulled my hands back, but this time I didn’t avoid the blade. I guess I’m not finishing the frames for Christmas. Am I even supposed to be doing this? Am I even supposed to go to Africa?

I had a lot of time for contemplation in the hospital. What seemed like 3 hours with my hand exposed and bleeding. 30 hours before I’d get surgery. Two and a half days total. Breathe, let out the anger and anxiety.  Stop trying to be in control.  Let go.  Here are the words that come to mind.  God is with me.  God is in me.  God is in control.  Not only that, but there’s been an angel with me all while I was working, driving to the hospital,  now.  Pastor reminded me about the angel this morning.  God works all things for the good of those who love him.  I will be with you even in the valley of despair.  I will never give you more suffering than you can bear.  Thanks God, what good are you planning for this busted finger?

If you believe God is the God of the Universe then you likely believe he also has a plan for his creation. I believe he has a plan for all of his creation and his goal is to save as many people as Godly possible to bring them to heaven with Him. God is in control. God has a plan. What is God trying to tell me in this moment? In this accident? Can I even call it an accident if it’s really part of God’s plan?

The initial anger, frustration, blame is all glaring. When I walk through life oblivious to my surroundings and others I am only glancing. If I really want to know God’s plan and meaning it requires gazing. The first gaze is often critical, similar to glaring, but if I listen and contemplate while I wait in the hospital bed maybe I can get the second gaze of compassion.

A Second Gaze — Center for Action and Contemplation (cac.org)

I should have cleared the blade.  I left a ‘safe’ distance.  I guess the blade nicked my middle finger knuckle then also tapped my closed thumb.  2mm higher and I would have just had to pick up the lost piece of wood.  2mm lower and the blade might have grabbed my finger.  Am I using too cheap equipment? The expensive saws have blade stops, adjustable feather boards.   CNC keeps your hands always away from the blades.  I’m overanalyzing. That’s not the point.  The angel was already there.  God is always there.  If He wanted my hand to miss the blade it would have.  If he wanted my hand to be more mangled it would be.  Ask the right question.  What is God trying to teach me?

You can tell by the second picture it’s a miracle the blade only hit my middle finger. Additionally, it only broke one bone. I was using an 8″ x 1/2″ table saw blade, by the way, which is specifically designed for large scale material removal. Here is what I heard God saying as I contemplated:

My hand is broken, but my heart is in most need of repair.  I lack the capability to have true intimacy / love with others. 

God makes me perfect by my imperfections. It means the world is imperfect, but he still loves all his creations anyway.  It’s also an invitation to me to give up control and accept shortcomings from myself and others.

My kids will help me finish the picture frames. I don’t need to use the big, dangerous blade. I should teach my son to use the much safer router table. I should always have the kids involved in this process. The mission trip is for them, not for me to do alone.

I started this picture frame before the incident, but now it symbolizes the accident for me.  I was reclaiming wood my parents gave me to burn from old raised flower beds.  The picture below shows a particularly rough piece of wood with termite holes.  The picture is from Mexico of a pretty unappealing beach, but my kids and I had a great time walking on the rocks watching the sun rise and set. I cut and shaped the wood. The holes are filled in with beeswax. I think it turned out pretty good considering it was planned as fire wood.