For me the biggest learning from the trip to Malawi was to let go.  This has been a theme in my life for a couple years, but for this trip I felt like I could actually feel what no anxiety means.  Not because it was easy, but because of the mindset and support from the leaders and interns. 

The first part of letting go is accepting the belief that this is where I’m supposed to be.  It’s been a two and a half year journey to get to the trip.  I thought we were going to Liberia.  I broke my finger.  We couldn’t go last year.  Aaron decided to join the trip.  It got changed to Malawi.  However, ever since the first meeting last year for Malawi I knew this was the trip I was supposed to go on with two of my sons. 

The second big part is letting go of work and life back home.  Work has been busy and stressful.  I got a new boss in April.  But this trip is fixed in June.  I had to make it work.  There were lots of meetings with my boss and the people I work with.  Lots of planning and arrangements, but then I’m gone for 3 weeks.  They’re on their own.  Same with my wife and youngest son.  I have to accept that I won’t be there for them for three weeks, but they’ll be ok on their own.  

The third big part is the mental battle. Letting go of doubts and insecurities about the trip.  Letting go of expectations, plans, anything I hoped to accomplish while I was there, the picture frames, expectations for my kids.  The leaders talked about this a lot.  We made it to Malawi.  Now the primary goal is just to be present, be involved, just be.  I’m not in control of the projects or the schedules.  I just need to keep showing up.  The doubts would still creep in on a daily basis, but the interns were great at telling me how much they appreciate me just being there. 

Another big part is letting go of being in control.  I let the kids decide what they wanted to do.  Aaron picked the bus we would get on each day.  They had their own room and own key.  We had a fixed wake up time, but bed time was each person’s decision.  One of the first days I hurt my leg.  That night I didn’t sleep well.  The next day I was miserable and feeling feverish by dinner.  I didn’t know if I’d be able to make it the next day.  Other people got sick, maybe I was next.  I just decided to go straight to bed after dinner and leave it in God’s hands.  If he wanted me involved he could make sure I felt better. If he wanted me to stay back I would.  I woke up the next day feeling like a new person. 

The last part that actually took the longest was letting go of inhibitions and expectations.  They were actively trying to get all the teens on stage to sing and dance, but Nathan was resisting.  I was resisting.  I don’t like singing and I don’t like dancing.  However, I did like the music.  For me the first step of letting go is accepting that I don’t have to sing and dance.  God will accept my style of worship even if it doesn’t look like much outwardly.  The second step was to lean into the discomfort.  Mikelo started it on the very first day by bringing me to the front to dance with him.  The leaders also pushed us to do things we aren’t comfortable with and to try new things.  The interns also pushed me.  Finally, some of the interns taught me some dance steps.  We even got Nathan on stage for one of the concerts.  The best was going to the concert with Mikelo and seeing him sing and dance to the Malawi songs, then do the same for the English songs. 

Of course there was noise from back home.  Being able to put that on God and actually trust him and rest in his plan was the biggest lesson.  One day there was a group chat from work about a meeting going horribly.  I just ignored it and forgot it.  Then there was a friend who needed help because his car broke down and left him stranded.  There wasn’t much I could do, but finally he figured it out.  Then I got a text message from someone who said they heard my workplace was shutting down, which isn’t that outlandish.  I just said I don’t know any details and won’t care for another week and a half.  

It was an opportunity for me to silence a lot of external noise and listen to what God was telling me to do right there and right now.  I need to keep working on silencing the noise and listening to God.